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How We Support Each Other’s Differences

This June we will have been married for 6 years. It’s crazy and yet not crazy. We are always working on things in our relationship but we did want to share something with you, that we have come to realize. You and your spouse….you are two very different people.

We are both very different people. Grace is an early bird. Nate is a night owl. Grace enjoys some time alone. Nate would choose people and a party over anything. Grace makes decisions quickly. Nate takes time to process. Grace is a talker. Nate’s words are carefully chosen. Grace wakes up ready to go. Nate needs some time to wake up before being productive. The list goes on and on.

When you’re dating you are finding ways you are similar to each other. And when you get married you are finding how different you are from each other. We have found that it can feel defeating and lonely if we are always talking about our differences and how we don’t like them instead of finding ways to support our differences.

An easy answer would be to just do things together that both of you like. Which is a good start. But not one that will always last. We believe that sacrificing, longsuffering, and doing something we don’t like for the other is the best way for us to show (and feel) support.
Instead of giving you vague ideas of how to support each other’s differences, we decided to just tell you how we have (and are still working on) shown each other love in each other’s differences.

Grace absolutely loves breakfast. Nate rarely eats breakfast. Like pretty much never eats breakfast. But on multiple mornings Nate will fry up some bacon and eggs for Grace because he knows how much she loves it. And he will sit down and eat with her (another favorite thing of hers.) For our 5 year anniversary, Nate made the most amazing buttermilk pancakes (Nate is a waffle guy himself) with sprinkled powdered sugar on top. It was such a gift.

We are both social and love people. However, Nate takes extrovert-ness to an entirely new level. He would have people over or go to a party every day if he could. To support his extravert personality, Grace invites people over for Nate. Supports him going out with friends and doesn’t make him feel bad for not being home with her. Or she tries to as much as she possibly can.

Nate is a patient man. He likes to have slow, thought out conversations when Grace is the queen of rabbit trails. There would be so many evenings when she would just talk and talk and talk and then realize that Nate had probably said 3 words. But he is patient. He knows Grace processes things out loud and that 10 different subjects somehow go together in the end. So he supports that characteristic about her by letting her talk and he will listen…or ask her to slow down.

Grace loves her mornings. She loves waking up to a cup of coffee, as the sun is rising, stepping out in the morning air to breathe it in. Then she goes inside and reads her bible and journals. She usually has to wake up pretty early to have some quiet time before Travis wakes up. However, Nate is a night owl. He will rarely go to bed before 12:30 am. So in order to spend time together a few nights, a week Grace stays up late with Nate and sacrifices sleep or her ‘perfect’ morning time. It’s worth it to spend time together.

They seem small or maybe even unnecessary. But they are significant in the end.

So in what ways today can you show your spouse support in what they like to do? Maybe it’s giving your wife some time to herself, or going golfing with your husband this Saturday to just be with him. Whatever it is, do it with all your love. You won’t regret showing the person you love the most all the love you can give. 

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